Thursday, May 29, 2008

Cerebral Flatulence #2: Restrooms

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It's important to have clean restrooms. No question about it. People will risk bursting a bladder rather than use vomit-invoking public restrooms. Sparkling tiles is a sign of a well maintained restroom. Although it might be too much if you can actually see the reflection of the person in the next cubicle. A less reflective ceramic flooring might be in order in such instances.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Hmmm...Spam

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I have one email address that I use to sign-up on sites that requires one. That email address gets hit by a thousand spam mails everyday. How great would life be if all Spam mails were genuine?

- I would win the lottery everyday!

- I would get paid hundreds of dollars for a single day's work...at home!

- Free vacations to everywhere, including accommodations!

- Free computers, phones, and all kinds of gadgets!

- All the ladies want to meet me for...ah...wholesome and intelligent conversations, I guess.

image

Seems like spammers are now sending their junk from the future, about 30 years from now. No wonder these guys never get caught. They haven't even been born yet. Somebody find their parents and take away their Viagra.

Unfortunately, there are draw backs. If spam was true, I would be overweight and depressed, which would explain the erectile dysfunction. I would be on anti-depressants, not to mention an addiction to a multitude of other prescription drugs. I would also be suffering from Alzheimer's and osteoporosis. I wouldn't be able to go on all those vacations and wouldn't be capable of anything other than intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. I would need all the money from the lottery winnings to pay for the medical bills and drug rehabilitation (or support the drug addi
ction). I would be stuck in the hospital in a dark room basking in the glow of my free computer, growing pale and wasting away. Well, as they say, to everything there is a balance.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

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To all mothers, Happy Mother's Day!

First thing the wife and I did when we woke up this morning was call our mothers to greet them. We were going to visit my mom later in the day. We had her on speaker when we called her, here's how part of the call went:

Me: "Do you want us to pick-up anything on the way there?"

Her answer was quick, there was no pause and it seemed she was just waiting for me to ask. She pounced on the question and answered with a snap.

Mom: "Jollibee!"

She sounded a little too excited for junk food so it made me laugh
. After we all recovered from chuckling, we asked her what she wanted us to get her.

Mom: "Fried chicken and that big burger they have."

Me: "Champ Burger?"

Mom: "No, not that one, the other one."

I looked at the missus puzzled.

Missus: "Aloha Burger ma'?"

Mom: "Yup, that's the one."

After chuckling a bit more (she was laughing too), we told her we would be there in an hour or so with the food. We later found that Jollibee no longer sold Aloha Burgers, so we just got her a Champ (aww). We also bought her a cake. When we got there, we had a nice junk food meal together, and then had cake and ice cream. It was a menu for a children's party. Dad was out of town on business so it was just the three of us. He probably would have something to say about the food we were eating. He regularly point's out that it wouldn't hurt the three of us to lose some weight. Of course, he does it out of love, or so he says. We spent the rest of the day talking and watched a couple of videos. The missus and I brought "Hairspray" and "The Bucket List" for us to watch. We all enjoyed both movies. Mom especially related to Hairspray, she used to style her hair the same way as the women in the movie. We really needed no convincing as both the missus and I have seen tons of her photographs during that time. In this post is one of those photographs. This was an old worn-out and damaged photograph which I scanned and did some restoration on, so if you see that she has six fingers on one hand, an extra pair of legs or eyes, that was my fault. Mom's perfectly normal and won't be joining the X-Men any time soon. Well, she does have high blood pressure, but I don't think that will qualify as a special ability.


She was also familiar with some of the dance moves in the film. Mom's a good dancer. If there are any researchers out there on the subject, I am definitive proof that dancing is not hereditary. I'd be happy to take part in any case study, especially if you're working on a cure for awkward dancing. That reminds me, even though I live and grew up in the Philippines, there are lots of foreigners who come to visit. I can offer first hand knowledge to the fact that white men can't dance. Not only can't they dance, they frequently inflict injuries to people unfortunate enough to be next to them on the dance floor. That fact should soon be in the science books. Hmmm, that seems to conflict with my earlier statement that dancing abilities are not hereditary, so much for consistency. Seems like we've digressed here, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Happy Mother's Day!

Monday, May 05, 2008

Drive By Shootings #5: RePhil

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A gas station in the Philippines named "RePhil". Business owners must have put together a project team just to come up with this one. How do you think that meeting went?
Team Leader: We want something catchy, easy to remember. Something customers will relate to.

Team Member: How about "RePhil"? Get it? An abbreviation of "Republic of the Philippines" but also sounds like "Refill", like you do with your gas tank. Witty and patriotic.

Team Leader: Genius! Let's take a vote. Great, it's unanimous. Somebody give that man a cookie! Nice work people. Let's get out of here and pick-up our paychecks. Oh yeah, put down 8 hours for meeting duration.