The Missus Chronicles #2: Mrs. Evil

I hate wires. So you can just imagine what nightmare computers are, especially if you have a few peripherals. Keyboard, mouse, power cords, external drives, network cables, etc they just drive me crazy when they get tangled. I go on a rant when the missus moves the laptop to another part of the house and the cables get tangled when I use it. Naturally she's annoyed by it. So yesterday when we had to move the laptop, she gave me all the cables and said "Here, you connect them, you're going to kill me again if I mess up.", which is a funny way of saying what she wanted to say. Having the juvenile mind that I do, I turn to her and said "I knew it! I suspected it all this time! You're my evil arch rival disguised as a woman and tricked me into marrying you! Ha! I have uncovered your evil and elaborate scheme for revenge! You shall not succeed! I have defeated you before and I can do it again!"

Drive By Shootings #4: Discount Store

You know what, all I can say is that I appreciate the shop owner's honesty. If you're sharp enough to spot that this is a "discount store" and not a discount store, then you're okay. But if you miss it, well, he'll take your money. At least you had a chance, it's not an outright con.

Those unnecessary quotes, they're a killer.

Update (2/19/2008):

For more cases of unnecessary quotation marks, check out: The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks (thanks Ge!)

Drive By Shootings #3: Dirty Names

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present a contender for the Guinness Book of World Records title for the cheapest business sign in the world.

Get your business name out there with absolutely no cost. Just wait for the truck to get dirty as it goes about its daily business. I estimate that a trip around the metro during rush hour would do it. After you have a good layer of dirt and soot, take a piece of cloth (clean or dirty, doesn't matter) and start lettering. Wait, we might incur some cost with a piece of cloth, scratch that. Just take your finger, give it a good lick and start writing. You might have to re-lick that finger every now and then to keep it moist, feel free to use your other digits.

I say give Home Best Enterprises Furniture a perfect score on cost effectiveness and just forget about the other categories.

Drive By Shootings #2: Fight the Power

Somebody call the riot police! Chaos has broken out in the parking area of Anarchists Anonymous members!

In case you missed it, there's a sign on the wall that says "PARK FACING WALL". It might just be me, but I found this funny when I walked by it. Must have been some anti-establishment folks sticking it to the Man. "Hey parking sign, you're not the boss of me!"

Drive By Shootings #1: Asian Massage

New series! These will be pictures I took, mostly from my car, while driving around the metro. They won't be the best quality cause I usually use the camera on my mobile.

While I was driving home one night, this SUV pulled up beside me. My camera phone sucks at night shots, but you can still read most of the text. This really made me laugh when I read it, check it out (click photo for larger version):

If you can't read everything, here's what it says:

Asian Massage
Calming The Whole Nation
24 hour Massage Home Service & SPA (Php 250/HR)
STRICTLY MASSAGE ONLY! - GOD CAN SEE YOU!

I wish I could hear the recordings of the phone calls they received that lead them to put that in there.

Wow. Makes me kind of paranoid. Someone is watching all the time. I think I'm going to start wearing my swimming gear when I take a bath.

The Voices: That doesn't make a difference.
Me: Why?
The Voices: Well, if Superman has X-ray vision, don't you think HE will at least have that or more likely, something better?
Me: Lead underwear?
The Voices: If it helps you sleep at night.

Oh yeah. I think I found the perfect uniform for their masseuse:

Cerebral Flatulence #3: Science &Technology

Instant Messaging is revolutionary; it breaks down social barriers and connects people like never before. How else would you have a civilized conversation with anyone while in your stained underpants reeking of body odor and bad breath in your bedroom.

Science tells us that two bodies could not occupy the same space at the same time. Following the same thought, you would think that you would not be able close a car door when a human hand is in the way. Well, with the appropriate amount of force, you can apparently break the laws of physics. I also found that the by-product of such a process is a tremendous amount of pain.

Lazy Blogger #1: IT Humor

Well, didn't follow through on those blog posts I wanted to write this weekend. So I'm just going to dump stuff I stumbled upon on the interwebs. Click on the image to enlarge.

The Missus Chronicles #1: The Blind Milkshake

The missus was cleaning out the closet under our stairs. That's where we keep old shoes, boxes, dead bodies, and other miscellaneous things we don't often use in the house. When I got home, the missus told me that I had several pairs of old shoes we should just get rid of.

missus: Let's just give them away. The only problem is that we don't know anyone who has feet as big as yours.

me: We could have a yard sale. I already have a jingle in mind. It goes like this:

My shoes bring all the boys to the yard.
And they're like, bigger than yours
Damn right, bigger than yours
I can fit you but I would have to charge.

I start laughing, she isn't.

me: What? You don't know Milkshake?

She gives me a blank look.

missus: Milkshake?

me: Never mind.

She resumes her rant.

missus: I had a hell of a time moving out all your shoes. They're heavy as hell. I never really appreciated why people ask you to take off your shoes when you get on a weighing scale until now. Ordinary people would have to take off a couple of pounds for their clothes and shoes when they get on a scale. You would probably have to take off half a dozen pounds.

me: Quit it. Besides, now that you mention it, it's probably the only heavy lifting I ever do.

I was playing around with a fancy pen someone gave me while we were having this conversation. I liked the way it felt as I used it to write. I have awful penmanship. I was writing down random things trying my best to write nicely. I wrote down the following:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
if you were reading this, and didn't know any better
you'd think I was blue.

The missus looks over my shoulder, read what I was writing down. She takes my pen from me, crosses out the word 'blue' and replaces it with the word 'blind'. She laughs hysterically.

*sigh* Some people run and hide from their bullies. I apparently married mine.

Darn Kids Pie

I've been playing around with the blog settings this weekend and made some changes. Immediately noticeable is the new template. But the real biggie is that "Kastilyong Buhangin" is now "Pinoy Pie". I'm also no longer on the blogspot address as I've switched over to a custom domain (fancy!). There's no need to update your links as all previous links will automatically redirect here. But it would be nice if you did as it would help my Google PageRank for www.PinoyPie.com. I've been wanting to use Blogger's Custom Domain every since they released it back in January this year. I held back as there were still issues I was waiting for Blogger to resolve before I moved over. This issue in particular:

For those of you who switched their blog*spot blogs to Google's custom domain for blogger, you may have run into some unexpected errors, mainly being only able to publish either directly to your domain (example: mycoolblog.com) or to the "www" address (example: www.mycoolblog.com) but not both. (link to full article)

Well, Blogger hasn't addressed it themselves yet and I got tired of waiting for a fix from them. There were already people out there who came out with quick fixes. This particular one from instabloke helped me. The only drawback was that I had to switch over my domains to GoDaddy.com for it to work. Well, I was planning to do it anyway as there were services in Dotster.com, where I was originally registered, I had to pay for which is free on GoDaddy.

I changed the name to something with a more universal appeal. My old URL address was a mouthful and non-Filipinos find it hard to remember. This one's short and sweet and easier on the fingers to type. Plus, it stays faithful to the unexplainable relationship with pastry of this blog.

So let's get to business. My links of things to blog about have been piling up quite a bit. So I'm gonna dump a bunch of things on 'ya. I'm gonna follow a theme though, you know, just for the sake of having a theme.

Kids Are the Darnedest Things

Yes they are. They don't just say the darnedest things, they are it. I have a lot of respect for the mothers and fathers out there. I'm not sure I can handle kids myself. I like going to visit them and maybe play with them when I do, but I'm really not sure if I can live with them. They should have a petting zoo with kids instead of animals for people like me. Oh, I just realized, I already have such a setup. It's called being an uncle.

We'll start with an old clip from Jay Leno. It's real funny, check it out:



You gotta look at the bright side. At least the kid knows how to call 911. That will come in handy in case of a real emergency, you know, like division.

I gotta say, I sympathize with this kid. I know exactly how she feels. Everybody, meet Little Becky.



And finally, here's a beautiful site you should give a visit: scary.net. It's a collection of beautiful, dark, creepy, and touching animations done by Katy Towell entitled "Childrin R Skary". Watching them is like being told a bedtime story. Her work reminds me of Tim Burton, Neil Gaiman, and Mono. My favorite of the ones I've seen so far is "The Little Girl Who Was Forgotten By Absolutely Everyone (Even The Postman)". Oh yeah, have a tissue handy for this one. Great stuff.

What a Thrill

Here is a clip I came across on boingboing.net which is currently in the process of going viral on the interweb. I've seen it posted in several places already. It's a video of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) inmates recreating the Thriller MTV. It's surreal to say the least and I watched it with my jaw dropped most of the time. I really don't know how I feel about this one. But I have to say, there are worst things they can be doing in prison if they weren't doing this:



I guess in this place when the inmates get into a gang fight, it's gonna look like the Beat It video. The guy playing Michael Jackson (lead) looks old but he still has the moves. The 'girlfriend' is really giving it 100%. If you want to see the original MJ Thriller video, here's a link.

Vice Magazine has an article on-line on CPDRC. It's a three part series and has photos taken inside the prison. Just be careful on the Vice links, it's not exactly a family oriented magazine. The article briefly mentions the inmates dancing, here's the excerpt:

When not sitting around waiting, the prisoners do mass exercises in the yard. All 900 of them. Garcia had them do the “YMCA” for my amusement. It was incredibly depressing. He posted the video on YouTube under his real name. (link to full article)

After a quick search, I found Byron Garcia's YouTube account. There are several other videos there that showcase the inmate's dance routine repertoire. Here's a link to the YouTube account. You'll see, among others, the following performances:

• Hail Holy Queen (Sister Act)
  
• Dayang Dayang (Sister Act)
  
• I Will Follow Him (Sister Act)
  
• Jumbo Hotdog
• Radio Gaga

Seems someone there is a Sister Act fan.

Byron Garcia is the Consultant on Security of the Cebu Provincial Government. He wrote an article for the Cebu Sun Star a year ago and there's a portion there that discusses the philosophy behind this practice of making the inmates dance:

Inmates at the CPDRC are required to go through a workout regimen. While the goal is to keep the body fit in order to keep the mind fit, such may not actually happen if it is not done in a manner deemed pleasurable. Music, being the language of the soul, is added to that regimen. (link to full article

The article gives a lot of interesting insight into Penology in the country, give it a read. Also found Mr. Garcia's UP College Cebu High School Batch 77 profile, seems like he was a cheeky young fellow. Here's an excerpt:

So when I reported for work, they made me do errand stuff, so I quit. Then there was this Italian restaurant who hired me as a F&B supervisor in Manila, When asked for my opinion on how the Chef's ( who happens to be the owner) cooking tasted, I told him , "Honestly, taste like Shit" He fired me...(link to full profile

Byron Garcia is the brother of Cebu Governor Gwendolyn Garcia.

---

UPDATES:

As of July 26, 2007, the video has had 1,152,025 views on YouTube. This count is just for the original video upload, there are several copies hosted on other sites. Byron Garcia also became the #26 most viewed user on YouTube this month.

The story has been featured on Reuters on Jul 25, 2007:

"I want the prison system to learn from this," Garcia told Reuters. "The inmates are after all human beings and the inmates after all, once inside, know that they have committed mistakes, let them enjoy their stay." (link to full story)

Also featured in BBC UK on July 26, 2007:

"The inmates are very happy at the interest, they are always talking about it, and they ask how many people have watched it on YouTube," Mr Garcia.

And fans of his work can look forward to another three routines in the pipeline, including one set to the Vanilla Ice classic, Ice Ice Baby. (link to full story)

Here's one from ABCNews.com on July 26, 2007:

"As a jail officer, I got worried when I saw it," Rubio told ABCNEWS.com. "I know that the Cebu Provincial Jail is undermanned like some of the city jails, and securing those vast numbers of inmates poses a big problem. Inmate dancing is not prohibited in our Operations Manual, but the one performed by Cebu Provincial inmates was a disaster in waiting."
...
"I suppose the inmates have some fun," said Latessa, who cited several examples of similar programs that have been attempted, and for the most part abandoned, by American prison officials. "But there's always a concern when you have programs like that and you're offering them as rehabilitation programs. The people that are participating think they're getting something out of it, but they're not." (link to full article)

It seems Mr. Garcia wasn't very happy with the Vice Magazine article on CPDRC. He gets the guy back big time by posting a video on YouTube:


And the comment from Mr. Garcia himself accompanying the video:

Let me just settle a score with this australian bloke... I just ignored him when he wrote lies about me on viceland.com. I don't know why he posted ugly shots from a different jail on his video. The Warden of that jail Col. Nemenio can attest to the fact that this guy slept with inmates in that jail called BBRC. That was also his request from me which I denied for health reasons. We don't have HIV testing kits at the clinic, I was afraid our inmates might be infected with that virus. NOW, here's a preview on the "thriller Girl's" routine. Please enjoy and lets us not worry to much... be happy! I just want to thank the whole world for interest they have shown in my videos! I am greatly humbled!

August 1, 2007: Sonia Leggs from Reuters does a video interview of Byron Garcia.

August 8, 2007: New video posted by Byron Garcia. Inmates perform at the Cebu Capitol for its 438th Founding anniversary. Each inmate was given P1,000.00 pesos ($US 22.00) as incentive for good behavior.

August 9, 2007: "Philippines prison an unlikely place for one of YouTube's biggest hits" article by the Associated Press:

A few local companies have found the video performances so inspiring that they want to send employees for special performances. The first is Saturday - for a donation. Garcia suggested a news crew should pay up to see "Thriller," too.

At 7:15 a.m. comes the call for inmates who have court hearings today. The departures take away six key dancers for "Thriller," so it won't be on today's itinerary anyway. Instead, practice focuses on a new song, Phil Oakey and Giorgio Moroder's "Together in Electric Dreams," a carefully chosen homage to the inmates' fans.