The Laws of Karaoke Dynamics

If you're planning to visit the Philippines and you have friends that live locally to take you on a night out, one of the likely places you'll end up in is a KTV Bar (Karaoke). In an effort to save you some grief, my unsuspecting friend, I present to you the basic laws of karaoke dynamics - heed them well.

The Basic Laws of Karaoke Dynamics

The amount of alcohol in one's system is:
- Inversely proportional to willingness to let go of the microphone.
- Directly proportional to the volume of the singing.

Enthusiasm has no direct relationship to talent.

For everyone to enjoy the night never state the obvious. Do not use the word 'bad', 'terrible', 'worst', etc in reference to anyone's singing. Expect the same courtesy.

In case you find yourself wanting to stab your ears with a rusty screwdriver, remember that alcohol also enhances the auditory senses much like it does the visual senses (i.e. Beer Goggles).

*sigh* Other people come up with the Theory of Relativity, Laws of Motions, Thermodynamics, but me I come up with junk like these.

Enjoy your night out, and no, you won't find Chocolate Rain in the song list.

Drive By Shootings #4: Discount Store

You know what, all I can say is that I appreciate the shop owner's honesty. If you're sharp enough to spot that this is a "discount store" and not a discount store, then you're okay. But if you miss it, well, he'll take your money. At least you had a chance, it's not an outright con.

Those unnecessary quotes, they're a killer.

Update (2/19/2008):

For more cases of unnecessary quotation marks, check out: The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks (thanks Ge!)

Drive By Shootings #3: Dirty Names

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present a contender for the Guinness Book of World Records title for the cheapest business sign in the world.

Get your business name out there with absolutely no cost. Just wait for the truck to get dirty as it goes about its daily business. I estimate that a trip around the metro during rush hour would do it. After you have a good layer of dirt and soot, take a piece of cloth (clean or dirty, doesn't matter) and start lettering. Wait, we might incur some cost with a piece of cloth, scratch that. Just take your finger, give it a good lick and start writing. You might have to re-lick that finger every now and then to keep it moist, feel free to use your other digits.

I say give Home Best Enterprises Furniture a perfect score on cost effectiveness and just forget about the other categories.

Drive By Shootings #2: Fight the Power

Somebody call the riot police! Chaos has broken out in the parking area of Anarchists Anonymous members!

In case you missed it, there's a sign on the wall that says "PARK FACING WALL". It might just be me, but I found this funny when I walked by it. Must have been some anti-establishment folks sticking it to the Man. "Hey parking sign, you're not the boss of me!"

Drive By Shootings #1: Asian Massage

New series! These will be pictures I took, mostly from my car, while driving around the metro. They won't be the best quality cause I usually use the camera on my mobile.

While I was driving home one night, this SUV pulled up beside me. My camera phone sucks at night shots, but you can still read most of the text. This really made me laugh when I read it, check it out (click photo for larger version):

If you can't read everything, here's what it says:

Asian Massage
Calming The Whole Nation
24 hour Massage Home Service & SPA (Php 250/HR)
STRICTLY MASSAGE ONLY! - GOD CAN SEE YOU!

I wish I could hear the recordings of the phone calls they received that lead them to put that in there.

Wow. Makes me kind of paranoid. Someone is watching all the time. I think I'm going to start wearing my swimming gear when I take a bath.

The Voices: That doesn't make a difference.
Me: Why?
The Voices: Well, if Superman has X-ray vision, don't you think HE will at least have that or more likely, something better?
Me: Lead underwear?
The Voices: If it helps you sleep at night.

Oh yeah. I think I found the perfect uniform for their masseuse:

Cerebral Flatulence #3: Science &Technology

Instant Messaging is revolutionary; it breaks down social barriers and connects people like never before. How else would you have a civilized conversation with anyone while in your stained underpants reeking of body odor and bad breath in your bedroom.

Science tells us that two bodies could not occupy the same space at the same time. Following the same thought, you would think that you would not be able close a car door when a human hand is in the way. Well, with the appropriate amount of force, you can apparently break the laws of physics. I also found that the by-product of such a process is a tremendous amount of pain.

Life Resilient

We have this little plant growing in a little hole between our garage floor and wall (pictured left). The floor is some type of marble and the wall is concrete, yet this plant found that little source of light and broke through the surface. I'm totally amazed by it every time I walk by it in the morning. The little seed that could, a show of how resilient life can be.

That little plant (we don't know what it is) reminded me of the Narra tree in front of my parent's house (pictured right). That tree was a project back when I was still in primary school. I think we were asked to bring different kinds of trees. Back then, it was still a sapling when I brought it to school. After we presented it in school, I brought it back home and forgot about it. No one really paid attention to it and it was not watered daily. One day, my mother came to visit, she noticed the tree. It was in an old tin can and most of the leaves had fallen off. The thing was sickly and looked dead. She took it home with her and planted it in an empty lot in front of her house. Amazingly, it recovered and after a couple of decades, it is huge and I would not be able to wrap my arms around it if I tried. It is a magnificent tree. A friend of my father who is reputed to have a third eye (e.g. paranormal sight) once came over to visit and paused in front of the tree. He told my father never to take it down as there are good spirits who live in the tree that watched over it and its surroundings, including their home. He said that this was one of the reasons why my parent's home has been safe in spite of the fact that their place is one of the oldest in the area and almost all of their neighbors houses have been burglarized.

Also, when the missus and I were driving along Pres. Quirino Avenue, we saw a tree that was planted in the partition that separated the north and south bound lanes of the traffic (pictured right). It must have gotten too big than what the partition could handle as it was cut down leaving only a stump. But growing from the stump was two fresh but thick green branches. It the middle of the Manila traffic where pollution was so bad that most of the other tree's branches had turned black this tree, that was cut down, is surviving and bursting with new life.