In The Land Between Sleep and Wakefulness

It was after midnight and I got up to take a leak. While doing the deed I looked out the window that was right above the toilet and saw a large and bright full moon. I stopped mid-stream and the sound of liquid hitting liquid quit and there was silence. I quickly looked around for werewolves. Seeing that there was none, I continued doing what I was doing and broke the silence once more.

Oh Internets: Job Posting

Okay. In the Philippines, whenever you need to get someone to help around the house, you always tap the 'family & friends' network first. Ask around for referrals. They might know somebody who used to work for them or somebody who knows somebody. People usually try to avoid placement agencies. But that option is out there and people do get desperate. If you're really lucky, it works out, but never on the first try. Having said that, you can just imagine how adverse it would be to turn to the Internet. But my wife and I were just talking about the possibility of getting somebody to help around the house cause the new baby is a handful. An extremely joyful and welcome handful but a handful nevertheless. I wasn't going to start calling people late in the evening so I went and checked the local listings for household services on craigslist. It's the only option that I could start looking into and I just wanted to check out what's out there. Then I came across this little jewel of a posting. 

I don't know where this guy thinks he's going, but that's not the Manila I know. I might just be moving around really boring social circles but I don't know anybody who has this kind of thing going on. I would love to know what kind of response he's getting. It would be a shame for him to get disappointed. I also don't want him to think that Filipinos are prudes, so to all the men out there seeking domestic employment and have some experience cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry, reach out to this guy. Don't worry, physical contact is NOT required. But if you're into that kind of thing, it sounds like he's pretty open to it.

What Me Worry?

Here’s an article which I found through a friend. It’s about the poll automation this coming 2010 elections in the Philippines. Maybe it’s just me, but I found this article hilarious.

Poll machine short-circuits during testing

INQUIRER.net
First Posted 18:36:00 05/28/2009

MANILA, Philippines – A voting machine short-circuited and emitted smoke during testing at the Commission on Elections (Comelec) on Thursday.

A representative for the lone bidder for the P11-billion election automation project, the Smartmatic-Total Information Management consortium, said the wrong cable was mistakenly used to plug the machine to an electrical outlet.

The precinct count optical scan (PCOS) machine shut down automatically after it short-circuited, protecting the machine from tampering, said Smartmatic-TIM. It also did not accept test ballots that were being fed to it.

Now, it would have been fine if the article ended there. It was their big day and they screwed-up. They could have just gone “Frak. Very anti-climactic. Not exactly putting our best foot forward. Let’s all go home and come back tomorrow with a new machine and the right cable and try this again. Let’s not embarrass ourselves a second time. They’ve got media people around for heaven sakes.” But no, that’s not what they did. Being from Smartmatic they had to be smart and save the day. So, the article continues:

“The machines will guard itself from the tampering once its features are tampered, in this case the power source,” the Smartmatic representative said.

And there you go. I’m sure Mr. Representative was very proud of himself. ‘I saved the day, hooray for me’. Thank you Mr. Representative. It’s very comforting to know that the voting machines that will determine our next president can guard itself against tampering the same way a microwave oven or desk lamp can protect itself – fry its circuits. Good save, dear sir. Someone give this man a raise, he just saved the company some bad press.

But it’s not over. It gets better. Apparently someone bought the bridge he was selling. The article goes on to finish with this gold nugget:

The “unintentional demonstration” of the security feature was “very helpful,” said Ferdinand Rafanan, chairman of the Comelec’s Special Bids and Awards Committee.

Very helpful indeed. Well, there you go. Looks like the 2010 presidential elections is in good hands. My faith in the Philippine election system is renewed. I’ll sleep soundly tonight.

Kudos to the writer for the subtle humor. Good stuff. And I’m being sincere this time, you know, unlike the previous hundred words.

So when I was thinking about blogging this, I wanted to find other news sources on the incident. Guess what? One article on the same news item has the headline “Smartmatic passes demo with flying colors”. It was the same event. Both articles were written on the same day. *shrug*. I guess disaster and/or success is also in the eyes of the beholder.

Philstar.com has an article with more details on the demo, you can read the full article here. Headline reads “Smartmatic hurdles initial tests”, which is somewhere in the middle of the two previously mentioned articles. It doesn’t mention the fried circuits, but there are some interesting things in there too. Here’s some excerpts:

“Everything is smooth. So far in the 26 criteria, the machines passed six of them,” Rafanan told reporters.

Ah, it’s the same guy who found the unintentional security feature demonstration helpful. Hello, Mr. Rafanan. Glad everything is going well, sir. Hope you’re having fun with that bridge you bought. Let’s read on:

But during the demonstration, Rafanan announced that electronic devices like cellular phones would be banned at the bidding room starting today because they could interfere with the transmission process. His announcement raised a howl of protest from the media and other observers.

Why would the reporters “howl”? Do they expect these tests to simulate ‘real world’ scenarios? That’s not what these tests are meant to do. Shame on you, you sensible logical thinking reporters you. Sense never did anyone any good. Remember that kid? What did his sense ever do for him? “I see dead people”, that’s what. No one wants that.

He noted that they wanted to be strict on electronic devices because “electronic interference” could ruin the preparations that they have been making to automate next year’s polls.

To which Mr. Rafanan later added “so don’t mess up our preparations. Besides, what kind of electric devices could people conceivably bring with them during the elections? You don’t expect them to come with their TV sets or audio systems strapped to their backs do you? You crazy reporters.”

Rafanan added that security against possible “electronic interference” is not included in the 26 criteria to be checked by SBAC.

When Mr. Rafanan was asked to elaborate, he responded with “we don’t test for that stuff. Besides, to ensure that the equipment does not suffer from electronic interferences, on election day voters will be asked to disrobe, wear a biohazard suits, and enter a hermetically sealed environment. The entire room will be surrounded by copper mesh that will absorb all radio interference. We will also have snipers ready to go. Why snipers you ask? So that you don’t try anything funny, some people might still try to sneak in their TVs sets. Plus snipers are cool. Don’t you want a cool election? An exercise of democracy doesn’t have to be boring you know. Plus it’ll draw the younger voters. How do you feel now you howling observers? I bet you feel stupid.

I don’t know about everyone else. But these people scare people. People who won the contract and the people on the government side. Based on these articles alone, they’re not exactly beaming with competence are they? Plus reports of irregularities don’t exactly help:

Daily Tribune (05/23/2009)

Smartmatic/TIM bid irregular —losing bidder

This developed as losing bidders started to question the credibility of Smartmatic/TIM consortium after it submitted an “outrageously low bid” even if it would only farm out to subcontractors in Taiwan the manufacture of the vote-counting machines it offered the Comelec.

…

…what could probably compromise the integrity of the 2010 national polls is the fact that Taiwan, which has been conducting its national polls manually, has not tested the strength and reliability of the PCOs being offered by Smartmatic/TIM.

…

In 2006, Smartmatic had also been the focus of federal investigation, one by the powerful Committee on Foreign Investment in the US and another by the US Justice Department, for security reasons arising for its acquisition of a US voting-machine company in 2005, for allegedly paying bribes to win the Venezuelan election contract a year earlier and for alleged tax evasion.

Here’s another one, which also mentions that ‘security feature’ demonstration:

GMANews.tv (05/29/2009)

Comelec exec, Smartmatic deny P2 million bribery

MANILA, Philippines – The chair of the Commission on Elections (Comelec) Special Bid and Awards Committee (SBAC) on Friday categorically denied that he received a P2-million bribe from Smartmatic, the lone qualifier in the race to bag the P11.2 poll automation contract.

SBAC chief Ferdinand Rafanan cried foul and called his critics "liars" for accusing him of receiving a bribe, according to a report on Friday by Tina Panganiban-Perez of GMA News.

"I deny that categorically. I never received anything. I'm ready to face them anywhere, anytime. They are liars. They should come out," Rafanan said.

…

Both Rafanan and Smarmatic officials explained to Locsin that faulty wirings caused their machines to bog down. They said the reason behind the glitch was a mismatch of in the wires used to connect the machine to the battery.

There you go folks. Looks like Mr. Rafanan can afford to buy the bridge after all, with a little help from his friends. Of course, these are yet to be substantiated. But it looks like it’s going to be a normal election year. Strap in and enjoy the ride folks.

Oh yeah, hi blog. I missed you.

Hmmm...Spam

I have one email address that I use to sign-up on sites that requires one. That email address gets hit by a thousand spam mails everyday. How great would life be if all Spam mails were genuine?

- I would win the lottery everyday!

- I would get paid hundreds of dollars for a single day's work...at home!

- Free vacations to everywhere, including accommodations!

- Free computers, phones, and all kinds of gadgets!

- All the ladies want to meet me for...ah...wholesome and intelligent conversations, I guess.

Seems like spammers are now sending their junk from the future, about 30 years from now. No wonder these guys never get caught. They haven't even been born yet. Somebody find their parents and take away their Viagra.

Unfortunately, there are draw backs. If spam was true, I would be overweight and depressed, which would explain the erectile dysfunction. I would be on anti-depressants, not to mention an addiction to a multitude of other prescription drugs. I would also be suffering from Alzheimer's and osteoporosis. I wouldn't be able to go on all those vacations and wouldn't be capable of anything other than intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. I would need all the money from the lottery winnings to pay for the medical bills and drug rehabilitation (or support the drug addiction). I would be stuck in the hospital in a dark room basking in the glow of my free computer, growing pale and wasting away. Well, as they say, to everything there is a balance.

Beauty and Prosthetics

Before I knew of Sarah Connor or Hellboy, there was Catherine (Beauty) and Vincent (Beast). One of the first "grown-up" (i.e. none cartoon) shows I got into when I was young was the live action TV series Beauty and the Beast. I have memories of lying down at the foot of my parent's bed watching Vincent running off to save Catherine from some danger. You know, cause women are always getting into trouble, fictional or otherwise (kidding!). This show was probably one of the things that introduced me to the beauty of poetry and fostered my reverence for books. A lot of poetry and prose is entwined into the series and it seemed all the characters loved to read and were always carrying books. Those scenes under the city in the tunnels seemed to me what poetry would look like; sepia, soft focused, deep, dark and peaceful. Here's the intro to the series:



What inspired this entry is the theme song to the show. I've had The First Time I Loved Forever in my play list ever since I knew what a play list was. It was one of the first songs that went into my MP3 collection and it's never been off it ever since. Click play below to listen to the song:



I never get tired of listening to it. It was sung by Lisa Angelle. The poem read by Ron Perlman was written by E.E. Cummings, entitled Somewhere I Have Never Traveled. The song itself was written by Melanie Safka. There is an interview of her at this link where she briefly tells the experience of writing the song. She deservingly won an Emmy for it.

I guess the reason why the song recently resonated with me more than usual is the fact that our wedding anniversary is coming up (Sept 18). And to my surprise, when I was writing this and doing some fact checks, I found that the show is going to be celebrating its 20th anniversary this year. The show premiered on September 25, 1987. Fans have put together a series of documentaries where they share their love for the show. You can find them all on YouTube, here's a link to the play list. Didn't realize that Beauty and the Beast had an annual convention.

I remember having a crush on Catherine (Linda Hamilton) at that time. See how I had to qualify that statement with "at the time"? Men, that's what being married does to you. Of course, even if I met the 1987 Linda Hamilton now, I wouldn't flinch. Cause I love my wife very much and she's way more beautiful than Linda Hamilton (now Mrs. Cameron). The fact that my wife reads this blog has nothing to do with why I felt it necessary to make that statement. Nothing at all. Honest. (*love you!*)

Hey, speaking of Hellboy, Hellboy 2 (The Golden Army) is already filming. Guillermo del Toro, Ron Perlman, Selma Blair are all back. Also, according to IMDB, del Torro turned down directing Halo (offered by Peter Jackson) and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince so he can direct Hellboy 2. Wow, I can't wait. Loved the first one. Guillermo has mentioned that he wanted Hellboy to be a trilogy.

When I was writing, I was thinking to myself "Ron Perlman should do book tapes". Well, apparently he's been doing that for awhile and he does a lot of voice acting too. He's done several popular DC and Marvel characters. Here's a list of his credits on Wikipedia. It's far from complete. Here's a link to Amazon.com for a list of his book tapes.

Also, remembering watching this series when I was young also brought back memories of my favorite snack: Munchies! It was made by Jack & Jill snacks, if I remember correctly. I used to go to our neighbor's sari-sari store and get it along with a Coca-cola 500ml. Of course, I didn't carry any money back them, so I just tell the person minding the store to put it on my mom's tab. My mom tells me that I use to bring all my friends at that store and get everyone something and also put it on her tab. Sometimes she tells this story fondly and other times she gives me a stare down afterwards.

Does anyone remember Munchies? It was a cheese snack, a wavy zig-zag shaped thing. I remember the pieces being big. It made Chiz Curls snackers look like wimps. I loved it! I think it was phased-out in the 90s. I wonder why. It wasn't doing well? I don't see any Munchies mutant babies around, and I'm perfectly normal (hold the objections). Hey, if some rookie working in URC food corporation is looking for a good idea to make his career, here 's one: bring back Munchies! I tried to look for relevant content on Munchies on the websternets. I was saddened to find nothing but brief mentions. I was expecting to find tribute sites and all those kinds of things. You have failed me Internet! I thought you to be the compendium of all things good in the world (as well as a generous amount of really nasty and outright horrible things).

"DAMN YOU INTERNET! DAMN YOU!!" he shouts as he shakes his fists at the computer. He runs out of the room, crying like a little girl, into the rainy dark night. After a few minutes of running (well it was actually less than a minute, cause he's fat and all that) he stops and leans against the brick facade of an old neighborhood store (it was a pizzeria, he went in that direction by instinct). He tries to catch his breath between the sobs (you know, cause it's the most work-out he's had for months). It was then that he noticed a silhouette in the dark alley beside the store walking slowly towards him. The figure is wearing a hood, which made its presence even more ominous. Fear grips him. He is frozen and too tired to run again (fat!). Just before the stranger stepped into the beam of light coming from the street light, it stops. His heartbeat skips, and his breath quickens. The figure moves and reaches inside its cloak. Light hits his face when he moves his head to gaze at the man. It is Vincent!

He looks down at the stiff and silent man cowering underneath the weight of his stare. He speaks to the man "I know what it is you're searching for." The familiarity of Vincent’s voice soothes him and he remembers to draw breath. Vincent continues "It is a hard life, living under the city. We cannot farm and grow our own food. To live the life we chose, we must forget pride. Or at least the type of pride that those who live above espouse. We scavenge. We take what the city discards, we take what you forget. So it was with what you search for. It was forgotten. Unceremoniously purged from memory. Only small voices inquired where it had gone, only small voices uttered its name. But small voices are fickle, they learn to love other things quickly and they soon forget. Thus it was for this thing, and the memory soon faded."

Listening distracts him from his fear and he manages a question, "This is how it was forgotten, but how was it lost?". Vincent answers "There was no great love among the people here for this thing even at it’s birth, when it initially came to be among you. So it was that its makers stored it away. This away place we found as it was connected to one of our passages. We waited weeks, months, for we do not take anything that might create attention. No one came, so we took a few. Still no one came. So after another long wait, we took a few more, and then again. This we did until nothing was left, but still no questions were asked and no one looked for them. It was a long while before we saw somebody again in that place. But they did not come to look for what we took. They came to store new things, new things that we did not touch for men came often to take away and store these things."

This revelation overwhelms him, he asks "So you have all the Munchies in the world?!" Vincent smirks "Look at my fingers, and my lips, they are yellow". He was shocked "I thought that was because you were the same shade as the lions of far away Africa!". Vincent laughs "My fur is naturally a darker brown, I'm just covered in cheese and that makes me look golden. We've lived off Munchies all these years. Man, I tell you. You do not want to be caught down in the tunnels at night. That's not fog you're seeing. Flatulence down there is so thick it started diffusing light.

Man: Wow, brings a whole new meaning to cutting the cheese huh?
Vincent: You're telling me.
Man: Can I have some Munchies?
Vincent: Nope, we have to ration it so that it lasts a few more years.
Man: Please!
Vincent: Well, you can lick my fur!
Man: Thanks man! You're the beast!

So what do you think? Season 4 episode?

The Inmates' New Groove

Byron Garcia strikes again and delivers on his promise of a 'Together in Electric Dreams' routine from the prison inmates. It looks like some kind of deal was brokered with CNN as they got to show the routine first before Byron Garcia put up a video of it under his YouTube account. Here's a link to the CNN video. And here's a link to my previous post on the Thriller video.

CNN did the camera work on this one and it seems several were used (getting fancier!). They did some close-ups of the inmates this time too and you know what? If I ever meet one of these guys, I'm not going to make a wise crack about their dancing.

The flag thing at the end was a bit out of place don't you think?

Update (9/7/2007): Video finally on YouTube. It's still not on Byron Garcia's account and only a copy of the CNN video.

Repent! For My Car Is Dirty!

I went to the casting call for the second season of Heroes. Here's how it went:

Panel: So why do you think you’re right for the show?

Me: I have powers.

Panel: Is that right? What's your "ability"?

Me: I can control the weather.

Panel: Really?

Me: Well, more like influence the weather really.

Panel: Please elaborate.

Me: It always rains when I get my car washed.

Panel: Ah...

Me: Well, not always. It seems to only work when I pay for the car wash. If I do it myself…no rain.

Panel: Can you stop the rain? Like when you get your car dirty?

Me: Nah, it doesn't work that way.

Panel: Can we take your car to a place with draught and get it washed? You know, get it to rain. Help the land.

Me: Hmmm...don't think so. That would be forcing a car wash. I think it only works when it's really necessary.

Panel: You can drive around and get it dirty.

Me: Still forced.

Panel: Stay a week then, wait for it to get naturally dirty.

Me: I only get my car washed every other week.

Panel: Stay two weeks then.

Me: Still forced. I wasn't supposed to be there. The car would know.

Panel: Fine, fine. So what happens when your friend washes the car for free? What happens then? You didn’t wash, and you didn’t pay for it, but your car got washed.

Me: Doomsday.

Panel: What?

Me. That would be Doomsday, Ragnarok, Armageddon, The Rapture!

Panel: ?

Me: No friend of mine would ever do that for free. So it will probably be the devil trying to trick me. You know, The 3 Days of Darkness, End of Days? Evil spirits will be allowed to roam the Earth to torment those that were left behind after the Rapture.

Panel: Right. Ah, we'll call you.

Well, all I can say is I hope they call before September 21, why? Well, check out this site: www.2007rapture.com. *sigh* This happens every year...repent! for the end is nigh! Isn't fear mongering a sin? Well, if it is going to be this year, don't forget your plastic sheeting!

This post is a brain fart gone awry. I like the word awry..."awry! ang sakit!".

Genius!

To all couch potatoes everywhere, you will no longer feel obligated to finish those bag of chips. Whether you think that's a good or a bad things is directly related to your Body Mass Index.

Anyway, everyone has been in this situation: You've got a huge bag of chips and your full. Now, unless you have some kind of chip clip, you're in trouble. Leave that bag like that and it will go stale. If you really want to save those chips, you're gonna have to go MacGyver on its ass and get some duct tape. Well, that was before - this is now:



I was a lazy blogger this weekend so I just nicked this off another blog through StumbleUpon. Thanks to Funl for the content. There's a lot more fun stuff there, so check it out.

So talking about chips got me thinking about my weight again. I did some quick searches and found a couple of interesting sites:

• Body Mass Index Calculator - According to this BMI Calculator, I am, in fact, obese.
• Body Fat Estimator - According to this site, more than 50% of my body is composed of fat.

So, it's a sad thing that we can never trust anything we find on the Internet. You know how that Avenue Q song goes - "the Internet is for p..."

Since people at work read this...

Disclaimer: Notice that this entry is labeled "silly", meaning it is intended to be amusing and not factual. The Internet both infers and explicitly states that I am corpulent. And in defense, I responded with an ad hominem argument, which is always considered to be an invalid counter in syllogistic logic - thus the humor in the text. Nor do I think that learning to fold a bag of chips so it stays fresh is necessarily a work of genius. And last, I am not fat. I am big-boned. Both calculating tools does not take into account bone mass, so they are marginally reliable. Although I can lose a little weight. Okay, maybe more than a little. Alright, maybe I am fat, but you're ugly. No, I'm not being defensive. I'm being logical, like Vulcans.

Stop Calling Me A Pig!

I think I have a new hero. This story was printed back in 2000, but I just Stumbled Upon it a couple of days ago. It was just too funny to pass up. Check this out:

Here's a link to the same story on BBC. Reading this gave me a picture in my head of a bunch of drunk male guinea pigs in a bar shouting "Sooty! Sooty! Sooty!" while watching this news story on TV . All the while swinging their small mugs around, laughing, and spilling beer all over the place.

See these pictures? They're just sooooo cute aren't they? Here's some guinea pig fun facts! Happy, happy, joy, joy! (link)

Guinea pigs are not actually pigs, nor did they come from Guinea. They may have acquired the name because of their piglike squeals and the fact that they came to Europe as pets, by way of Guiana in South Africa or Guyana in South America. Another theory is that they cost one guinea in the marketplace. As with real pigs, the females are "sows" and the males are "boars." A group is a "herd."

They're so cute you can just eat up them up! And you know what? People do. (link)

"And what do they taste like? “Meat is meat I suppose - but it’s just a really lovely tender, yummy, tasty meat. It depends on the marinade you put in or how you cook it. It’s a very agreeable meat to eat,” says Elisabeth."

Here another article about these cute, and apparently delicious , creatures as food. Guinea pigs are so good they were even served in the Last Supper! Sunday School never gives us the fun facts.

May You Rest In Peace

Isn't it funny that we celebrate Labor Day by not going to work? That's kinda like celebrating somebody's birthday by not going to the party. Doesn't seem right. Wouldn't it be more appropriate if Labor Day was celebrated by working sixteen hours instead of the usual eight? Or if everybody worked for free for the day! You know, 'cause it's a celebration! Like giving presents!

I think I have some good ideas here. In fact, I'm going to give our local government a visit and present these ideas.

News Flash: A man was stoned to death in front of City Hall this morning. Initial reports indicate that a group of the man's co-workers have been arrested as suspects. Motive is yet to be established.

I Melt With You

I don't go outdoors in the afternoon 'cause I'm afraid I'll start to sizzle because of all the lard trapped inside my body. April 18 has been the hottest day in Manila so far and it doesn't sound (or feel) like things are going to improve. From inq7.net:

Temperatures shot up to 36.8 degrees Centigrade in Manila Tuesday, the hottest recorded so far this year by the Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (Pagasa).

Pagasa chief Nathaniel Cruz said the coming days would even be warmer.
...
Cruz, however, pointed out that people felt warmer than the actual temperature, and more uncomfortable because of the high humidity in the atmosphere.
...
"There are two seasons in the country. The wet and dry. Either you get wet or sweat,'' he said.

I think 'warmer' is an understatement. Also, I can think of other words that rhyme with 'wet' and 'sweat'. It's a Tagalog word that starts with a 'p'. Clue: It can also gets sweaty during these days.

I wanna be so rich I can install centralized air conditioning in Manila, both indoors and outdoors. Moving to a cooler climate would make more sense but that would be taking the easy way out and it's just too obvious.

Somebody, blot out the sun! Suck out the humidity! Tilt the globe 20 degrees and takes us out of the equator! Somebody do something! It's hot! I'm fat! I'm sweaty and sticky! This is not right! (sexy imagery huh?)

Syet na mainit!

We Remember Thee Weng Weng

Omigod! This is just too cool...



I make it a point not to re-blog but this was just way too good to resist. I remember seeing the Weng-Weng movies when I was very young. It must have been on Piling Piling Pelikula (PPP) or one of movie showcases during Saturday afternoons. How wonderful is it that somebody wrote a rap and video tribute to Weng-Weng? It's just too much.

Also found that there's a bunch of other Weng-Weng clips in YouTube, here's a link.

The original post is from Boing Boing:

Weng Weng tribute rap video

Longtime BoingBoing readers will recall previous posts hereWeng Weng, the short-statured pulp action star from the Philippines who vanquished many a villain and broke many a broad's heart. about

Some guys have produced a new tribute rap video, and lo, is it awesome. Video Link.

Track credited to The Chuds, video editing credited to John R (Thanks, world-famous Canadian illustrator Graham Roumieu!).

Weeding Out the Stupid

Ever since I first had a sandwich in a restaurant, I always thought it was stupid to serve it with a toothpick stuck in the middle. What if you didn't notice the thing was in there? Somehow, the missus and I got into a discussion about it. I probably brought it up.

Missus: They put toothpicks in there so that when they slice it, it doesn't fall apart.

Me: That's actually smart but why leave it in there when they serve it? There's a toothpick dispenser on the table, I'll pick up a fresh one if I need it.

Missus: Because when they serve the sandwich, it can still fall apart. The toothpick holds it together and it also make it easy to pick it up when you're ready to eat it.

Me: I'd rather risk my sandwich falling apart than getting stabbed in the roof of my mouth with a toothpick.

The missus rolls her eyes exasperated.

Missus: Now you’re just being argumentative.

Me: No, I’m not.

Yes, I am.

Missus: It's really simple – take out the toothpick before biting into your sandwhich.

I was a blank on a good comeback. So I just auto-fired...

Me: You take it out!

The missus becomes silent and gives me the dreaded look. To distract her from eating me alive, I talk.

Me: What if people don't see it? What then? Is this some kind of conspiracy to weed off the stupid? "Let's put toothpicks in sandwiches to kill off people stupid enough to bite into one without checking for sharp objects." Conclusion: The stupid die off, leaving the smart people to breed and multiply.

Missus: Exactly. So be careful when eating those sandwiches.

Success! I live another day.

Me: You’re not going to start putting toothpicks in your sandwiches, are you?

Missus: Well, weeding out the stupid sounds good to me. I should do my part.

Me: Hahaha (*nervous laugh*), stupid people beware.

Missus: Just keep checking those sandwiches and you’ll be all right.

Okay, okay, I might have enhanced the original discussion a bit. But it remains faithful to the essence of the story - I never win an argument with the missus.

Donut Expect

The donut was still here when I arrived Tuesday morning, which would be day 11. It was gone when I came back from lunch. I hope somebody ate it, as is the destiny of every donut. I wonder what an 11-day-old donut tastes like. Not that I would want one. I was really rooting for it to be left alone until it grew legs and walked away on its own. Ah well, so ends the plight of our sugar frosted little friend. Dough you are gone, you are not forgotten.

---

When I got home Wednesday, Feb. 14, I greeted the missus a Happy Valentine's and gave her a kiss and a hug. There was a paused and we looked into each other's eyes for a second or two and I said... "You're not expecting anything are you?" Yup, I'm a hopeless romantic. She's so lucky to have me.

The Donut Journals (Day 6)

The donut is still there. My mom would be horrified if she found out about this situation. She would probably say something like "Do you know how many starving children there are in the world?" Somebody should send that donut to Africa or something.

The plight of our dear donut continues...

The Donut Journals - Day 6
It's taking awhile for the ants to arrive. They must have taken the stairs. Probably because they couldn't push the buttons on the elevator.

A couple of days ago I was desperate and I put out a sign to encourage people to take me. It said "Donut - Eat Me". I don't think it's working. I think I'll take it down now. All hope is lost.

**Flashback**
Donut: If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I'm not letting you get rid of me.
Munchkin: Just shut up.
Donut: I love you, you complete me.
Munchkin: Just shut up. You had me at Jello. You had me at Jello!

I know, I know. It's jelly donuts and not jello donuts and it's not even funny. But jello fitted better and if you want quality humor you might be in the wrong place :P It's not like I'm getting paid you know.

The Lone Donut Motel

You know how people say you can do everything in a mall nowadays? Well, I never realized how true that statement is until this weekend.

Driving along the Kalentong stretch passing the Marketplace Mall, I was bombarded by several signs declaring the Lowest Rates for a 10-hour motel stay. Then when I actually processed what I was reading, it dawned on me that this motel was actually in the mall.

I took the pictures of the signs with my mobile phone so they’re not so great. Here's what they actually say:

10 hours Promo
Pay as low as 490 Php
5th level Marketplace Mall

Garage Parking open 24 hours (4th and 5th levels)

So the motel is in the 5th level of the mall. Guess where the movie theaters are? Well, they're in the 6th level. So, when you go on a date in this mall, it can go like this: see a movie, have dinner and... take a nap. Well, it's really your choice what you do in 10 hours. Cross-stitch? Complete a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle? Use your imagination - or not (you can be very literal too). After a good nap, cross stitch, or puzzle you may be in the mood for a little karaoke. Just a few meters away from the mall is Maligamgam KTV. For our foreign friends, 'maligamgam' means lukewarm. I wonder what message they are trying to convey. Not too hot and not too cold - the GROs wear pants and they're apathetic.

Somebody must have thought that people might think it's inappropriate to have a motel inside a mall. Check out this document I stumbled upon: Mandaluyong City Comprehensive Profile 2004. It has a portion actually giving consent for the motel to operate inside the mall:

5.07 Tourism

• Resolution interposing no objection to Asia Inns, Inc. for the operation of Sogo Hotel branch located at the Market Place, Gen. Kalentong St, this city

I bet they don't discuss it in city government meetings when a restaurant wants to put up shop in a mall :P

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I just noticed a couple of things about Manila Managed Services group:

1. Women out number Men 2 to 1. Interesting especially after reading this article. Amazing how similar and yet different two cultures can be.

2. Our people are either really shy about taking the last piece or they have a natural aversion to donuts. A lone donut has been sitting in our area for almost a week now.

Might be because of this: 48 Ways to Know You Are Filipino

40. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.

It's not right to treat donuts this way. Isn't there a Donut Abuse hot line we can report this to? Homer would be horrified.

The Lone Donut Journal (Day 5): It's been five days since I was abandoned. I think I saw someone peeking through the gap of my box. He must not have seen me as I was in the far corner. Was someone really there or am I seeing things? I think I'm going crazy. No one wants me. I feel like there's a hole in the center of my being. I feel incomplete, like something is missing. A munchkin! I need a munchkin!

Mystery of the Pink Oyster

This by the way is the 30th post for this blog and to celebrate, I'm changing the blog description once again (we're going brief this time):

A monument to a memory until the tide

For a couple of weeks now I've noticed that some metro aid workers around Manila have swapped their bright yellow and red shirts for a black shirt with bold MMDA pink letters saying "PULIS OYSTER". First of all, I saw the wisdom in bright yellow and red shirts; they're easy to see by motorist when they're working on the road. But I guess that MMDA pink is just as hard to miss. You certainly notice those urinals they installed all over the place. I've been wondering for a while now what police oysters were. A few ideas have popped into my head, primarily circling around the fact that oysters are considered aphrodisiacs. So I finally remembered to google it and apparently I was pretty far off. It is a government project and oyster is an acronym: Out-of-School Youth Serving Towards Economic Recovery. Probably a good government program but really, a little more time spent brain storming and they could have come-up with a better name than that. Here's a document from the PNP website that has something about the OYSTER Program (search for 'oyster'). It's apparently for the youth, so why do some of them look old?

UPDATE: Letter of Instruction OYSTER Program from the PNP website.

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It’s amazing that after Apple announced the new iPhone, their stocks went up and Palm, BlackBerry, and Motorola's stocks slid. Just shows how much a revolution the thing is. Desktop class Email and web browser, so you don't get that text version of a website. You see it like how you would in your computer browser. It's a fully functioning iPod. Oh yeah, it's also camera phone. That multi-touch technology is great. I completely agree with the guy who saw one of the first demos's of iPhone and said "you had me at scrolling". Watching the full Mac World presentation of the iPhone made me all giddy about what it meant. Other companies will have to follow their lead or come up with something to compete. This must be how those Japanese schoolgirls feel when they see Brad Pitt. Maybe if I blog about it enough they'll send me one? An iPhone I mean, not a Japanese girl. Well, just in case, let’s put in a few phrases in this blog that will make for interesting search results for Apple to see:

- iPhone is cool!
- iPhone is kickass!
- Zune sucks!
- Apple kicks Microsoft ass!
- iPhone's the best!

I'll probably be last in the search results, but hey, it doesn't hurt to try. For those hoping to actually purchase an iPod, it isn't available in Asia until 2008. And by that time it might not be named iPhone.

Speaking of phones, everybody put this in their to do list: get listed in public directories. Wait, scratch that. Everybody don't get listed. You'll only hurt my chances of getting the money.

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I must have read more than a couple of articles from local news websites that have said that local internet is recovering from the slow internet caused by the December earthquake. I wonder what ISP these writers are using. My supposedly broadband PLDT DSL connection is still at dial-up speeds. It just hurts to think that they will be charging the same fee no matter what. But really who expects customer service from our local utilities.

How Long Have We Had That?

Phrase of the Day: Monetary Morale Boosters

Hmmm. Tricky. I know the individual words but when you put them together like that, they kind of blur. My brain is apparently rejecting this concept. It cannot be true. It's so alien and unfamiliar. It's like seeing a unicorn. Somebody must have heard these words from a meeting of the NASA Chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous and just mashed them together. Those NASA guys do that you know. Remember that carbon dioxide filter in Apollo 13? Anyway, I digress.

You know what it feels like when you walk into a middle of a conversation and you just catch a word that makes you go 'huh?'. Then you try to ask them what they were talking about and they say 'nothing'. Well, that's kind of what it felt like when I first heard the phrase.

Phrase Definitions:
1. something that I do not get.
2. a currency fueled rocket for the depressed.

Cause We're Sly

As if not hearing them when they're pretending isn't annoying enough, somebody invents this. And the researchers have pictures of a demonstration here, just so you can see how 'cool' they are. Great. Can you imagine being in a train with a guy wearing 'em?

So they've started promoting the Rocky Balboa movie that is coming out Dec. 22, 2006 in the US. Wow. The original Rocky movie came out in 1976. Imagine that, Rocky VI. Stallone's not done though. They've already started work on Rambo IV: The Serpent's Eye and it is scheduled to come out next year. So all the old movie series is coming back I guess. This after Terminator 3 and the Star Wars prequels came out in recent years. How about Police Academy 7? You never know.

For those who hate making excuses (pun, yes), there's a new service out there that will make them for you: The Alibi Network. Here's Top 3 of my favorite services:

Having a Discreet Affair?
We invent, create and provide customized alibis and excuses for attached adults involved in discreet relationships.

Rescue Call Services
The phone call from us to communicate any information you desire or to help you escape any situations such as dull meetings, bad dates or other unnecessary commitments that need to be cut short or cancelled.

Virtual Employment
Are you embarrassed to be unemployed? Do you have a critical life situation that requires you to have a job? Would you like to create an impression that you have your dream job? With your own virtual office, executive assistant and business cards?

You know, if you need help lying to your wife, you might not be smart enough to have an affair. Oops, just in case the missus is reading this, let me re-phrase that: You shouldn't be having an affair in the first place. That is a bad bad thing. You shouldn't even be thinking or looking at other women. In fact, all the women in the world were taken by aliens when you got married, except your wife. Oh yeah, and you should never lie to your wife. I myself have never done it, because I love her very much and not because I fear physical and mental punishment. Clear? Right. Glad we got that straightened out.

Who's the Bitter Blogger?

Miss IMSHO, I'm putting you front and center :)

imnsho said...

ei mr. sandcastle (hehehe syempre referred to you in online name),

i keep forgetting to buzz you, that you remind me of Zach na TJ sa 5Takes... hehehe sa Discovery Travel and Living... but off the record you are a better blogger than he is.. hehehehe =)

You know, that sounds really weird. Mr. Sandcastle, nah, that simply doesn't work. Sounds really wimpy. Wow, and I have been using it for a while now. I think I'll just start using my nickname for my display name :P I wanted some element of anonymity, but my pic does appear in this blog, so I guess I'm not fooling anyone :P

I checked out the site you linked to. All I can say is I hate them. I hate them because they have my dream job. To be able to travel and then report about it. I hate them. I'm so bitter you can use me as fish cracker dip. But as you say, I'm a better blogger that he is, so there. The world will probably disagree. All I can say is they can kiss my...cute and lovable little puppy...if I ever get one :)

Acquisitions this week:

Vellum: The Book of All Hours
By Hal Duncan

This book has one hell of a good blurb on it. I'm crossing my fingers that the book lives up to it. Ayyyyyeee! Just saw the three star rating on Amazon when I was linking to it. Shucks, I didn't want any preconceptions about the book before reading it. Well, I have loved books that weren't popular with critics before. Hopefully, this is one of those.

Oh yeah, I just finished reading Manfredi's Empire of Dragons. As usual, Manfredi does not disappoint. Loved it. Whenever I get tired or bored reading, I pick up a Manfredi book. Depending on how much I like a book, I can take a few days or a a few months to finish one. Empire of Dragons I finished in a week (a busy work week!). I was also able to finish Alan Moore's The Watchmen during the weekend. I wish I had read it 10 years ago. Too many people have 'borrowed' his idea since then, and having seen those second hand interpretations first, the story no longer had the same effect on me. *sigh* But still, I enjoyed reading it.